tl;dr: board games are great and have also connected me to amazing people that I love and I’m grateful for that!
Last week I was listening to the “romantic” episode of Tuesday Knight Games podcast, where my pal Stephanie chatted with hosts Alan and Sean about gaming and romantics, and Valentine’s. Lots of chatting about what games are good for dates, romantic things related to games and gaming and the like. I got a little wistful, because I recently split with my partner, Adam. We met when he was working at a board game cafe and I was a regular customer, and our love of games and vegan baked goods brought us together. And while I haven’t experienced any other romantic relationships originating out of board games, I have created a lot of fast friendships.
The TKG podcast crew and Stephanie chatted a bit about the social aspect of games, how it gets people together and can create or maintain social relationships. When I first got into modern board gaming, it was because I’d joined a tabletop gaming social group at my University, and it offered up some great opportunities for us to chill out and game as a break from study. D&D was my major social gaming outlet at the time, but as time progressed I became more and more about playing board games with friends. Especially after moving to Toronto, I spent a lot of time at the board game cafe here and met my then-partner, and a bevy of great folks I know to this day. Which is no small feat as someone in her 30s; it’s always been hard for me to make and keep friends and doubly so as I’ve gotten older.
On top of the local folks I’ve gotten to know over the years, there’s been a big slice of new folks come into my life via board game conventions and the board game corner of Twitter. A little like going to camp, cons are these things where you spend a few kinda intense days with folks and then become penpals (aka Facebook friends) and then catch up at next year’s con. Twitter, for me, was the big factor in me getting to know so many of the rad friends in my life right now, especially. People I talk to every day, who I rant to or celebrate with or just send GIFs back and forward to brighten each other’s day. They fill up my heart and I am so grateful to know them – because of the internet and board games! It’s almost unbelievable.
Best of all, recently I’ve been playing board games with friends at work – sometimes at a pub get together, or if we manage to have time to take a proper lunch break. We sit around and have a little fun, escape our to-do lists and relax. It’s a nice way to spend time with people I don’t see often during the day, and get to know them better.
All the connections that board games have made for me, I could never have in many years made on my own. I love board games – and not just playing them. They’ve brought me fun and friends and for that I think they deserve a nice box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. And I just wanted to tell you all how great board games have been to me ❤
Earlier this week during debate in the US Senate, Sen. Elizabeth Warren was silenced during a speech in which she read a letter by Coretta Scott King (civil rights activist and Martin Luther King’s widow). After the incident, a comment was made: “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” That last part really rang true for me and got me thinking about how I persist in my life – and quite often within board gaming. I speak out frequently regarding making board games an inclusive hobby, where everyone feels included and can play without feeling shut out. Warren’s example has inspired and motivated me to share – and keep sharing – my views on board games, safe spaces, and pushing for inclusivity without alienating the creators of content that we love so much, and fellow gamers.
Now, here’s the thing: there’s this hierarchy of privilege – and if you don’t see it, then you’re likely up near the top. I readily admit I’m up there as a white, middle class person. And when you’re up near the top it is tough to hear and believe criticism without it feeling like it’s being aimed at you personally. Believe me, I know what this feels like. And by golly do I ever try and be so diplomatic much of the time when I’m offering up criticism of board gaming. So recently I reached this brick wall moment where I realized, no – I have to persist. So I went off on a bit of a ramble on Twitter:
Of course it’s difficult to hear criticism of the hobby you love. But gosh, please understand we love it too. We want positive change.
If a woman says “It’s unfortunate how the women are portrayed in this game”, LISTEN TO HER. You can still hear that AND play the game.
It’s tough going on a ramble on a platform with a 140 character limit, but this succession of tweets got a lot of my point across. We are at a point in board games where media’s reached this sort of critical mass of overwhelmingly positive representation in reviews, etc, and it’s because so many of us are in it for the passion of it – we play the games we’re likely to love, and spend the time writing about/making videos and podcasts about the games we enjoyed. We want to spread the love. This isn’t our day job.
And then, people like me come along with the “hmm, doesn’t the representation of women in this game seem problematic to you?” or, “I understand the need for a resource in this game but it’s not “historical” so perhaps we could look at something other than slaves.” And then, as a man, or as a white person you automatically think “I’m not the bad one here!” I know you’re not. I’ve met a lot of people through board gaming and dog’s honest truth there are very very few deliberately malicious people. However, we’re a pretty homogeneous group of folks, so bringing up issues of race, gender and otherwise can put people on edge in their safe hobby space.
Did you know this hobby’s my safe space, too? The place that I go to have fun, enjoy a game and generally ignore the societal and political structure of the world? So when I see a game like – as an example – Conan.. Do you not think that it drags me back into the real world, where women are still treated as objects? Sexually vilified and seen as conquests? Where I’ve broken out of the having fun part to the “oh this is how the real world works too” part. You probably don’t think that. And you probably think, “Why can’t she just realize this is a game?” Therein lies the magical mutual inclusivity of being able to have fun playing a game but also being critical of it, as mentioned above. I will persist in mentioning these things until the people with privilege will start to notice them too. And maybe their purchasing habits will change, or they’ll start talking to other gamers about the content and portrayal of people in games. Or even giving publishers feedback!
Let’s not think that being critical is negative. Please let me make clear to you that when I see a publisher doing the inclusive thing by using neutral pronouns in their rules, or having a great balance of genders to play (bonus points for a non-binary selection), I will go out of my way to tell them. I want them to know that the choices they’re making mean something to me, a hobby gamer. I want to see me in games. I want to see the world I live in portrayed in games. I want to see everyone given a fair chance in games. And that’s at the table, too – be it as players, or designers.
Luckily, there’s a lot of industry folks who are actively encouraging women to get into game design. Groups such as the Game Artisans of Canada, UnPub and the like are willing and open and encouraging of all sorts of folks to get involved in the design process, and are there to support them with advice and help. Getting a diverse group of people involved in game design will be a slow burn, but I hope to see it have a positive impact on the industry overall.
I’m not here to ruin your fun. It’s my fun, too. But we all have to realize that things change. And that means our hobby, too. Listen to the people at the table with you when they have a criticism. Listen to your pals on Board Game Twitter when they mention something that bugs them about a game because of the portrayal of race or gender (and the like). Like I have said many times, and definitely in the above – that doesn’t mean we have to trash a game right there and then! Learn to take on those criticisms and think broadly about them – especially how they fit into the larger context of the world outside our hobby. We need thoughtful, honest and critical views of the hobby right now, before it becomes a homogeneous mass that can never be cracked and enjoyed by anyone who presents differently to the norm.
Let’s face it – we’re all likely to learn something from these experiences, while still being able to enjoy board games. Maybe you’ll learn more about the people of colour in medieval periods, or the role of women in Istanbul’s grand bazaar! Honestly, maybe you’ll just enjoy laying some tiles, placing some workers and rolling some dice – because we’re all here for that. But some of us want to be seen and heard, too.